Why!?!?

The first two days of the new year were a complete bust in terms of sticking to raw. So frustrating! Cooked food REALLY is an addiction, and anyone who tries to say different has no clue! I'm a huge emotional eater, and my emotions were really tested on the 1st by my sister, and I gave in to what I have always known to comfort me. Yesterday... I have no idea what happened! I was doing so well the entire day, and then night time came around... and I felt like I was starving and the raw foods I have left weren't going to cut it. So I caved. :-( Why is this so hard!?!? It's so simple, it shouldn't be so hard!!!

But... today, I have been good! I woke up this morning to the UPS truck pulling up, and... ta-da! My copy of Alissa Cohen's book and dvd both came today! So I immediately started reading the book and decided this is it. I haven't felt hungry at all though, so i'm doing a mini water fast. At least today, maybe tomorrow as well if I feel I can do it.

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And I just have to get this off of my chest. A huge cause of my anxiety is my sister. She's an alcoholic in denial and whenever something sets her off to start drinking, usually it's me who has to deal with her behavior, since her only two friends don't want her near them when she's acting crazy/drunk, so they get her drunk at their place and send her home. When she's at her ex boyfriends house (her main friend), the only way she can get home is by driving.. so she does, even when drunk. Her other friend, who is also my friend, lives in the same apartment complex, so no driving needed there. I have gotten onto her case SO many times about drinking and driving, but it doesn't seem to register. She thinks there is no way she could get in an accident/kill someone... but who really thinks that could happen to them? OF COURSE it could happen to her! On the 1st, she decided to go over to E's (ex boyfriends) house and she brought a 5th of something and told me "no, I can't drink, I have work tomorrow! I'm selling to one of his friends for $10!" Uh huh... right, never stopped her before. Well, about 5 hours later she walks in the door obviously drunk, and J (apartment complex friend) walks in behind her and says my sister came to her apartment completely wasted, not knowing how she got there (she drove obviously.) REAL SAFE! She then left and went to J's apartment and J stayed and talked to me for awhile. When J left, she (J) called me and said my sister had left, with another 5th of something (that she had taken from her closet when she stopped by) and drove off. Obviously she went to E's house. The ENTIRE night I was on the verge of a panic attack because I didn't want her to come back and was worried she would. There have been a few times when she's been drunk like she was that night, I did something that for some reason set her off, and she has come at me, slapping/punching/kicking... it's scary! I say that 2006 was one of the worst years of my life... it's because of my sister, because it was filled with her drunken drama.

Oh, and my sister and E got into a fight earlier on the phone. So afterwards, she called J and asked to go over there... that's a sign that she's going to drink. I'm worried.

That's all for now. *sigh*

Peace & Love,
-- everclear