Onto 2007

This is completely unrelated to raw, but I felt like sharing. I have a feeling this will be long.

The last 5 years my life has been, well... crap, to be quite honest. I've delt with depression all through this time, earlier this year it was so bad that I contemplated suicide and attempted it once. I've had to deal with a screwed up family (well, i've had to deal with this my entire life, but since my parents divorce 5 years ago, it's reached a new level) who most of the time don't seem to understand the affect their choices have on other people. Depression was the cause for my grades dropping in school and my ultimate dropping out of high school. I was too 'sick' that all I wanted to do was stay in bed. When at school I couldn't concentrate on anything, so I didn't see the point. I've always been extremely shy, and it's affected my life a great deal. Most people tend to think i'm a snob or rude because I don't talk to them. But that's not it at all. A few ago I realized I had social anxiety, which is a big part in why I have yet to get a job. I get anxious/scared just at the thought of having to go and apply for a job, and possibly an interview. The anxiety is also a reason in why I don't have my drivers license. The thought of having to take the actual driving test, with a person I don't know, scares me to death. I've felt very trapped by all of this. I told one of my friends not too long ago that I emotionally still feel like i'm 16 years old. It's like in a way I emotionally stopped growing at that age, i'm stuck there still. What I mean is, I have no high school diploma, I have no job, I have no drivers license... it's like I really am still 16, not almost 21. Maybe i'm just crazy.

But that was the past and now. The future, 2007, will be different. I don't know what it is, but something feels different about the upcoming new year. I feel good about it, I feel like it's going to be good to me. I'm finally going to get a break from the bad, and i'm going to become something better. I have an incredible urge to get a job, to be self sufficiant, to move out on my own, to meet new friends... possibly to meet a guy! All things that lately... I have had no desire to do. I've already taken a huge positive step in making my life better with deciding to go raw, to better my health and with this will come weight loss... which will bring me self confidance. I'm going to become my age... no more being stuck at 16, no more having to depend on other people. For once, i'm looking forward to the future instead of just living each day to get to the next and not even caring about life. So.... here's to 2007! I'm going to make it the best year of my life!

Enough rambling from me. *wink* I'm off to find some yummy raw recipes to make tomorrow!

Peace & Love,
-- everclear